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I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes and the expenses. Then it hit me!! No nursing home for me!! Here is my plan: I’m checking into the Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home approaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble.
I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior non-active Rotarian discount, it’s $49.23 per night.
That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want or room service.
It will also leave enough for laundry, wi-fi, and special TV movies. Plus I’ll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and dryer. I’ll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. AND I’ll be treated like a customer, not a patient. Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling.
There is a city bus stop at the front door, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick me up free if I fake a decent limp. Ride the church bus free on Sunday, though they have limited destinations.
For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere.
Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up. It takes months to get into a decent nursing home. On the other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you’re not stuck in one place forever … you can move from Inn to Inn or even city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologise for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service.  

The maid checks if you are ok. If not they will call the ambulance or an undertaker if needed. If you fall and break a hip, the government will pay for the hip, and ACC will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worry about visits from family. They will always be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?
When I discussed my plans with Rotary friends, they came up with even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees.   Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, and Sky TV, all you need to enjoy a cosy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children. (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.
Some overseas Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Regularly they have special offers too, like the Kids Eat Free programme. You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well.
If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you’ll always feel at home because wherever you go the rooms all look the same.
And if you’re getting a little absent-minded in your old age you never have to worry about finding your room—your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bell man or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called Holiday Inn to check out the feasibility of my plan. I’m happy to report that they were positively giddy about the idea of Rotarians checking in for a year or more.
They even offered to negotiate the rate.
We could have easily knocked them down lower!!!